Just a few months ago for Thanksgiving, my mom's side of the family got together in Ojai to spend the holiday with Grandma Carol. It was the first Thanksgiving we have ever spent with that side of the family and the newness of it filled my spirit with extra excitement. We were making new memories. There is such joy to be found in that!
Unforeseen occurrences always seem to happen with visits to Grandma Carol, but despite any bump in the road that occurred, I thoroughly enjoyed being able to spend precious time with her and my mom's siblings and their families.
As my husband and I packed for the occasion, I kept reiterating with excitement that my one goal for this holiday vacation was to actually have an adult conversation with Grandma Carol. (By her own choice, she always made it hard for others to communicate with her, via her choice to not have a phone or computer. She only left our families with the option of snail mail, or surprise visits.) Due to my lack of maturity and lack of conversation skills previously throughout my life, I carried my Thanksgiving goal in my heart with much anticipation because now I was ready. Much thanks to my career path of occupational therapy, I feel more apt to creating conversations with people of all different ages, but especially with the elderly. I was so excited to talk to Grandma Carol this vacation! I was also excited for Justin to meet her for the first time. Family is important.
The conversations and encounters I had with Grandma Carol far exceeded my pre-planned goal. I learned trinkets about her I never knew before and I absolutely found joy in making her smile and laugh. Justin told me after the trip, as we recapped on the drive home, that whenever he and Grandma Carol would make eye contact across the table during meals, they would just smile at each other. I love when Grandma Carol smiles.
My favorite encounter with Grandma Carol was with making eye contact across the dinner table on Thanksgiving as well. I wrote about this in my journal just a few days ago on January 3. (God has perfect timing.)
"...My favorite Thanksgiving memory, though, was when we were eating Thanksgiving dinner on the balcony of the restaurant. Grandma and I made eye contact nearly across the table and she mouthed 'I like your hair.' HOW SWEET!!! My heart overflowed with joy abundantly! Nothing against her, but I don't ever remember her ever giving me a compliment. ... She was so purely kind to me when she said that. It is a giving heart to pay someone a compliment. And, most silly of all, my hair was bugging me and the least put together part of my outfit I was self-conscious about! Oh life. She made me smile ear to ear!!! :)"
I am glad to have that memory I can replay over and over again in my head. It was such a joyful moment as we both were making a connection from across the table and smiling and laughing, ear to ear.
My mother sparked a conversational topic near the end of Thanksgiving dinner. We went around the table and everyone had to sum up the meal and gathering experience in one word. Grandma Carol went first and wisely chose the word "valuable." I do not remember any other word anyone said because her word rang in my ears. This was the first Thanksgiving all of her children and their families spent with her and surrounded her with love and the sense of family connections. And to her, this was valuable. I am so grateful for my Uncle to have arranged this holiday with this side of the family. I call him the Ring Leader.
God's timing is perfect, as always.
As I reflect on my last encounter with Grandma Carol, her word, valuable, is at the forefront of my mind. I was able to grow closer to her and connect in an adult conversational manner I had never had the opportunity to do before. How very valuable that is, indeed.
As I attempted to process the news last night, I battled feelings of feeling shocked, sad, in denial, worried, and so forth. As the hours ticked on by, it was my responsibility to inform my sister of the news, once she awoke with the nine hour time difference. I expressed that I felt sad because I had just started forming the relationship I have always wanted with her, and then it's suddenly over. But I realized I'm so lucky to have those valuable memories with her, because I would have a sense of regret if I had seen her recently, but had never taken the time to connect. So, as the saying goes, "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
My love grew exponentially for Grandma Carol a few months ago and I have those memories to keep forever. Our last encounter together was very valuable and God's timing is perfect.
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| One of my favorite pictures of my Grandma, Carolyn Schumacher |
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